Year of the Rabbit...hello there

So here I am again, sitting and typing into blogger. It's been quite awhile. I keep thinking about it, especially lately. I quit blogging regularly a couple of years back because everything in my life just became too private, and I wasn't willing or able to share. I can't say that has changed, but I feel like an unfolding might be occurring to a certain extent.

I guess the first thing I could do is pretend I still have some blog readers out there. The second thing to do would be to update said readers on my life the last couple of years, if it's of any interest whatsoever.

Why on earth did I ever think my own personal blog would be worthwhile reading to anyone else? Peoples' time is precious! It seems you'd have to be damn entertaining to seduce someone into reading about the boring or somewhat silly details or angry rantings of your life. I did read my really old blog recently and I do have to say I really did crack myself up. Of course it was my life and stuff, so that stands to reason. As for you guys, what's up? Maybe my ramblings fit into your daily internet time. I know others' blogs did fit into my internet time quite nicely, and I looked forward to them.

So what happened?

I can tell you. Since Nov. 8, 2009, I've been living up in the Bay Area. Actually, what they call 'North Bay.' Basically, north of San Francisco. You cross the Golden Gate to get to us up here in Cowland. Lots of cows up here. Lots of dairies - you know, the Happy Cows. I really do think they're happy. The fields are green, they're munching, they're mooing, they're hanging out doing their cow stuff. If you go to the fence and try to entice one to come over to you, they won't. They're kinda snobs. But they do make nice, overpriced dairy products, and it would appear these cows are well aware of it. I guess those film crews filming them and bragging about how great they are in the happy cow commercials have made them all prima donnas.

So I left LA and my secure job with benefits and a nice paycheck and I came up here to marry this guy. As of now, we're a couple of people living together who don't want to get married. I can't say it's my dream scenario. I've been unemployed since I got here. I take that back - there was a brief time when I went back to insurance (in Napa of all places - one hour commute one way) because I was desperate for any kind of job (great jobs if you're a cow, you know, oh well) but it only lasted three months. I left at the 90 day mark. No harm, no foul, you know. A couple fo months after that I worked the harvest at a winery in Sonoma. Much shorter commute, helluva lot harder work, but really great wine. Learned a lot. Learned I didn't want to work in the wine business, ever again. I just like to drink wine and talk about wine. That's where the love affair ends.

And so now...my career is shot and I'm still without benefits and am in a fairly dead-end relationship. I don't see that anything can save it, and my ex E has offered to help me move. What a bizarre turn of events. I feel I should leave but something holds me here still. I wonder if it's apathy. I think, at this point, that I'm just scared of the pain of separation and the brutality of that for the next, oh, year or so. I planned on marrying this man and didn't see myself ever being alone again. Well, surprise.

I think I'll go back to LA. Several good friends there I can rely on to take me out when I'm down (they'll have to take me out a lot). Some connections for jobs. I think I can work part time for an old boss until something full time comes along.

I guess I'll close for now.