People are Nutz
"Nutz" with a "z" is supposed to emphasize the degree of nuttiness, which for L.A. (or maybe it's just Hollywood?) appears to be at an extreme.
Last Saturday afternoon I ventured to the .99 Store. This is a great place - everything's obviously just a buck - and it's not all just cheap, worthless stuff. It's stuff you actually need somtimes. For .99! But I digress. I'm standing in line to check out (couldn't find what I came in there for, so ended up with five items in the basket - but hey, it's only $5!) There was a suspicious looking fellow in front of me wearing black sunglasses, and then in front of him actually checking out was an old, old, old woman, moving at the speed of molasses in the wintertime. The cashier was moving at about the same speed, so while these two were working wonderfully together, it wasn't particularly boding well for Creepy Sunglasses Guy or me. But I wasn't in a rush, so I was content to wait it out, despite Creepy Sunglasses. Someone comes up to stand in line behind me. She was not happy about having to wait. She voiced this unhappiness. Her companion was equally irritated. Then Old Woman decided she needed the cart that was behind me. So here she comes, hobbling ever-so-slowly back through the line to grab the shopping cart. She gets it, turns it, and runs over the foot of Grumpy Girl, who then proceeded to freak out. Old Woman apologized profusely, but it wasn't enough. This is what Grumpy Girl had to say: "You fucking old bitch! I'm going to kill you! I have a knife! I'll stab you to death in the parking lot, you fucking whore!" Old Woman appeared to be mostly deaf (good thing) and just puttered back through the line with her cart and continued checking out. Grumpy Girl continued her tirade. She was really working herself up into a frenzy and she was about 2 centimeters from the back of my neck. She began to throw some racial slurs out there to the mix as well (Old Woman was Armenian, I believe?)
Now everyone that knows me well knows I have a big mouth. If you have pissed me off, I will let you know and I don't care who you are. I have told people to fuck off to their faces if I felt they deserved it. Not always the smart thing, but dammit, I can't let shit lie sometimes. But Grumpy Girl scared me. I was certain if I said something to her, she would have beaten me to a pulp, but not before stabbing me with her knife or shooting me with the gun she was no doubt packing...and so I didn't say anything, and I guess Creepy Sunglasses was even deterred. Then again, maybe no one even cared...maybe no one noticed but me. Which is sorta scary.
I was concerned for Old Woman and was glad to see she had parked beside me and I saw her drive away with her equally Old Husband (who had been waiting for her in their car).
The next day I ventured out to do my laundry. I always go to the same damn stupid place and it's always shitty but it's familiar, so there you have it. (God forbid I expand my laundromat options.) So as I'm waiting (the book I brought wasn't exactly reeling me in) I notice Crazy Cart Guy has pulled up the entrance and is hanging out. There are lots of crazy cart guys in my neighborhood but he's the king - his shopping cart is stacked to what I would estimate to be about 10 feet. Yeah, 10 feet tall. Full of crap. (Probably stuff from the .99 Store!) He even had a lamp in that thing. So there he is, dancing about (dancing about is the only term that describes it) swilling a bottle of Jim Beam, talking to the air (or to his pals, depending on your level of schizophrenia), and finally decides to come on in to the laundromat. I started thinking, gee, what if he comes over here and decides to hang out? What will I do with him? How will I get away? Sometimes I think I have 'come screw with me' written on my forehead because I always seem to attract weirdos. (Like today, at the grocery store! But I'm getting to that.) But I (we - all) lucked out. Crazy Cart Guy merely stood in the entrance and talked for a bit while looking us all over, turned and walked out, pushing his cart back the way he had come.
How about that legacy of yours, Mr. Reagan? Proud of it?
On Friday, N and I decided to grab some Chinese on the way back to work for lunch. Both of us pick up menus and begin perusing. N decides what she wants and orders. I find an item specifically off the lunch menu and tell Chinese Restaurant Owner. She asked me a question, I couldn't tell what she said, N prompted me with a clue (sauce or no sauce) so I said sauce, and then Chinese Restaurant Owner ("CRO") said, "You want lunch or dinner?" Since I had ordered the item off the LUNCH MENU, I said, "the lunch."
CRO: "Why you not say that?"
Me: "I just ordered it off the lunch menu."
CRO: "Why you not say LUNCH?"
Me: "Because I just got here, and I just ordered, and YES I WANT THE LUNCH!"
CRO (yelling): "YOU WANT LUNCH, YOU SAY LUNCH!"
Me (yelling): "I JUST GOT HERE!"
CRO (still yelling): "I MAKE YOU LUNCH, YOU TELL ME YOU WANT LUNCH OR DINNER, YOU TELL ME!"
Me (really yelling): "I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING LUNCH, YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY!"
And I walked out. Yep, that's how it went down. Just ask N. Amazing, eh?
Ventured to the grocery store today and spent a lot. But I needed food. I had no food! Well, I had rice. And frozen chicken breasts. But that gets old. It was one of those times at the grocery store where everything looks good and you just end up piling it on and piling it on and then you get to the checkout counter and now you've to pile it all on the damn counter and shit! So as I was piling, a weirdo comes up (of course!) and he's really just mumbling and talking to himself and I'm thinking, geez, here we go again. And sure enough:
Weird Guy: "Wow, you're a healthy eater!" (I had four bags of potato chips - no kidding. Staples, they're STAPLES!)
Me: "uh, yeah..."
Weird Guy: "Wow, that really is healthy stuff!"
Me: "uh, thanks."
Weird Guy: "That's really good for your heart, eating like that!" (recall the 4 bags of potato chips.)
Me: no response.
Weird Guy: "Wow, I should eat like that! Boy!"
Me: no response.
Weird Guy: "I always keep chips right by my easy chair!"
Me: "oh!"
Weird Guy: "Yeah, hahahaha."
Me: awkward smile.
There. That's it. The run-ins with the Nutzos since last weekend. Kind of cathartic to write it all out.
Last Saturday afternoon I ventured to the .99 Store. This is a great place - everything's obviously just a buck - and it's not all just cheap, worthless stuff. It's stuff you actually need somtimes. For .99! But I digress. I'm standing in line to check out (couldn't find what I came in there for, so ended up with five items in the basket - but hey, it's only $5!) There was a suspicious looking fellow in front of me wearing black sunglasses, and then in front of him actually checking out was an old, old, old woman, moving at the speed of molasses in the wintertime. The cashier was moving at about the same speed, so while these two were working wonderfully together, it wasn't particularly boding well for Creepy Sunglasses Guy or me. But I wasn't in a rush, so I was content to wait it out, despite Creepy Sunglasses. Someone comes up to stand in line behind me. She was not happy about having to wait. She voiced this unhappiness. Her companion was equally irritated. Then Old Woman decided she needed the cart that was behind me. So here she comes, hobbling ever-so-slowly back through the line to grab the shopping cart. She gets it, turns it, and runs over the foot of Grumpy Girl, who then proceeded to freak out. Old Woman apologized profusely, but it wasn't enough. This is what Grumpy Girl had to say: "You fucking old bitch! I'm going to kill you! I have a knife! I'll stab you to death in the parking lot, you fucking whore!" Old Woman appeared to be mostly deaf (good thing) and just puttered back through the line with her cart and continued checking out. Grumpy Girl continued her tirade. She was really working herself up into a frenzy and she was about 2 centimeters from the back of my neck. She began to throw some racial slurs out there to the mix as well (Old Woman was Armenian, I believe?)
Now everyone that knows me well knows I have a big mouth. If you have pissed me off, I will let you know and I don't care who you are. I have told people to fuck off to their faces if I felt they deserved it. Not always the smart thing, but dammit, I can't let shit lie sometimes. But Grumpy Girl scared me. I was certain if I said something to her, she would have beaten me to a pulp, but not before stabbing me with her knife or shooting me with the gun she was no doubt packing...and so I didn't say anything, and I guess Creepy Sunglasses was even deterred. Then again, maybe no one even cared...maybe no one noticed but me. Which is sorta scary.
I was concerned for Old Woman and was glad to see she had parked beside me and I saw her drive away with her equally Old Husband (who had been waiting for her in their car).
The next day I ventured out to do my laundry. I always go to the same damn stupid place and it's always shitty but it's familiar, so there you have it. (God forbid I expand my laundromat options.) So as I'm waiting (the book I brought wasn't exactly reeling me in) I notice Crazy Cart Guy has pulled up the entrance and is hanging out. There are lots of crazy cart guys in my neighborhood but he's the king - his shopping cart is stacked to what I would estimate to be about 10 feet. Yeah, 10 feet tall. Full of crap. (Probably stuff from the .99 Store!) He even had a lamp in that thing. So there he is, dancing about (dancing about is the only term that describes it) swilling a bottle of Jim Beam, talking to the air (or to his pals, depending on your level of schizophrenia), and finally decides to come on in to the laundromat. I started thinking, gee, what if he comes over here and decides to hang out? What will I do with him? How will I get away? Sometimes I think I have 'come screw with me' written on my forehead because I always seem to attract weirdos. (Like today, at the grocery store! But I'm getting to that.) But I (we - all) lucked out. Crazy Cart Guy merely stood in the entrance and talked for a bit while looking us all over, turned and walked out, pushing his cart back the way he had come.
How about that legacy of yours, Mr. Reagan? Proud of it?
On Friday, N and I decided to grab some Chinese on the way back to work for lunch. Both of us pick up menus and begin perusing. N decides what she wants and orders. I find an item specifically off the lunch menu and tell Chinese Restaurant Owner. She asked me a question, I couldn't tell what she said, N prompted me with a clue (sauce or no sauce) so I said sauce, and then Chinese Restaurant Owner ("CRO") said, "You want lunch or dinner?" Since I had ordered the item off the LUNCH MENU, I said, "the lunch."
CRO: "Why you not say that?"
Me: "I just ordered it off the lunch menu."
CRO: "Why you not say LUNCH?"
Me: "Because I just got here, and I just ordered, and YES I WANT THE LUNCH!"
CRO (yelling): "YOU WANT LUNCH, YOU SAY LUNCH!"
Me (yelling): "I JUST GOT HERE!"
CRO (still yelling): "I MAKE YOU LUNCH, YOU TELL ME YOU WANT LUNCH OR DINNER, YOU TELL ME!"
Me (really yelling): "I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING LUNCH, YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY!"
And I walked out. Yep, that's how it went down. Just ask N. Amazing, eh?
Ventured to the grocery store today and spent a lot. But I needed food. I had no food! Well, I had rice. And frozen chicken breasts. But that gets old. It was one of those times at the grocery store where everything looks good and you just end up piling it on and piling it on and then you get to the checkout counter and now you've to pile it all on the damn counter and shit! So as I was piling, a weirdo comes up (of course!) and he's really just mumbling and talking to himself and I'm thinking, geez, here we go again. And sure enough:
Weird Guy: "Wow, you're a healthy eater!" (I had four bags of potato chips - no kidding. Staples, they're STAPLES!)
Me: "uh, yeah..."
Weird Guy: "Wow, that really is healthy stuff!"
Me: "uh, thanks."
Weird Guy: "That's really good for your heart, eating like that!" (recall the 4 bags of potato chips.)
Me: no response.
Weird Guy: "Wow, I should eat like that! Boy!"
Me: no response.
Weird Guy: "I always keep chips right by my easy chair!"
Me: "oh!"
Weird Guy: "Yeah, hahahaha."
Me: awkward smile.
There. That's it. The run-ins with the Nutzos since last weekend. Kind of cathartic to write it all out.
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