Flapping Squirrel Tail

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues - (the real) Elizabeth Taylor

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Jim Morrison Was Right

...people are strange. Here are three examples of strange people I encountered this weekend:

Friday after work I pulled into my apartment driveway and noticed a homeless fellow sitting on the stairs. I looked at him, he looked at me. I continued on my way and parked. I took Simon outside for his walk once I got inside, and Simon proceeded to do his usual thing which means tearing down the stairs as fast as possible. Homeless Fellow stands up and moves out of the way politely. I say thanks or something like that, and then he goes, "You know what I was thinking?" He wasn't really looking at me. He seemed to be talking to the air around us. Simon is stationary and peeing, so there wasn't really anywhere for me to go, so I said, "What's that?" and he goes, "What were the Albanians thinking when they let Macedonia go? All those people...I wonder what they were up to. I've been wondering that for ages now." Simon finished up his peeing thankfully and we head out as he begins talking about Alexander the Great. He just kept talking and talking...when Simon and I returned he was gone.

Yesterday Simon and I go outside once again for the evening constitutional. There's another guy sitting on the steps. Simon is peeing and the guy's looking at him and he says, to Simon, "What's that?" So I go, "Huh?" and he goes, "Oh, I was talking to your dog. I talk to animals." And I said, "Oh, okay." And we left. I wonder what Simon had to say to him...

Today I watched "North Country." It was very good. I decided afterwards to run to the grocery store. I wore an old pair of jeans, my rattiest All Star sneakers I've worn since college, a tee shirt, a rather unattractive brown sweater, and no makeup. I'm standing before the yogurt, scouring sugar content (it's amazing how much sugar they put in yogurt...) As I'm standing there, I notice this older man hovering. He finally hovers one last time and stands a little behind me, about two feet away. I had to look because he was just there and it was a little strange. When I looked at him, he smiled really big and said, "HI!" I mumbled hi back and looked back at the yogurt. Apparently he thought I was just being coy, so he leans in really close and says, "I just have to tell you. You are sooooooooooooo beautiful." I dropped the yogurt pretty fast, mumbled an okay, and teleported to the other side of the grocery store. It was a fitting situation to occur after a movie about sexual harrassment. I had to wonder if I was so unattractive that it made Nutballs feel comfortable enough to say something to me, a complete stranger...see if I ever wear this frumpy, nappy sweater again. Draws the old men like flies. Or maybe it was the holey sneakers.

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